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That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious.

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Unknown quotes | added by: 07kyle07

Facebook Status quotes Shit Happens quotes Facebook quotes

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I used to like watching the Carol Burnett Show. I thought Carol Burnett was very funny. And I liked Madeline Kahn a lot because in my house we were watching a lot of Mel Brooks movies and she was always in them and super funny. And Gilda Radner. I used to like watching Saturday Night Live. I always thought that she was hilarious.

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Paul Rudd quotes

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oketa_ojokJust because I like your Facebook status does not mean I want to sleep, date, or hangout with you...

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Oketa Ojok quotes | added by: oketa_ojok

Humor quotes Funny Facebook Status quotes Keeping It Real quotes

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blackhartDear people who update their Facebook status every 30 seconds, there's Twitter for a reason!

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Unknown quotes | added by: blackhart

Funny Facebook Status quotes Twitter quotes Internet quotes Annoying People quotes

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tedFor April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.

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Unknown quotes | added by: ted

Funny quotes April Fools Day quotes Facebook quotes Funny Facebook Status quotes

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I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to

I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated".

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes Complicated Relationship quotes

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Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

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Unknown quotes

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Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so it appears like you actually left the house. -Sent from my iPhone

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes Cell Phone quotes

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Mom: Your great aunt just passed away. LOL Me: Why is that funny? Mom: It's not funny David! What do you mean? Me: Mom lol means laughing out loud! Mom: Oh my goodness! I sent that to everyone I thought it meant lots of love. I have to call everyone back oh God.

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Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals saying they don't eat clowns because the taste funny.

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Stanley Victor Paskavich quotes

Funny quotes Facebook quotes Funny Facebook Status quotes Clever Facebook Status quotes

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

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Unknown quotes

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Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind it to show it to his friends.

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes

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Becca21OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?

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Unknown quotes | added by: Becca21

Funny Facebook Status quotes Facebook Status quotes Clever Facebook Status quotes Witty Facebook Status quotes

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dannyxEverybody knows somebody who's Facebook relationship status should be 'Still banging my ex.'

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Unknown quotes | added by: dannyx

Facebook quotes Facebook Status quotes Funny quotes Ex Girlfriend quotes Ex Boyfriend quotes Sex quotes Friends With Benefits quotes Keeping It Real quotes

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seandixonI get super paranoid whenever I walk into a store with something that they sell there...

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Unknown quotes | added by: seandixon

Facebook Status quotes Suspicion quotes Anxiety quotes Theft quotes Funny quotes Sales quotes

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dannyxThe first status on Facebook in 2013: 'Is anyone alive?'

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Unknown quotes | added by: dannyx

Facebook quotes Funny Facebook Status quotes End Of The World quotes New Year quotes New Years Day quotes

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...condom says to the tampon,

...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes

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I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.

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Charlie Sheen quotes

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A man asks a trainer in the gym:

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes

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Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes Fire quotes

If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...

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Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

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Funny Facebook Status quotes

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The teacher asks Timmy

The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

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Unknown quotes

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Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

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Funny Facebook Status quotes Grammar quotes Interesting quotes

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes Homework quotes

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If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!

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Funny Facebook Status quotes

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long.

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Funny Facebook Status quotes Short quotes

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May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

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Unknown quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes

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I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

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Unknown quotes

Best quotes Funny Facebook Status quotes Witty Facebook Status quotes

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In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.

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