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Funny T Shirt Quotes Biography

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I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

I'm not getting smaller I'm backing away from you.

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

I don't know what makes you dumb But it really works.

Rehab Is for Quitters

My Dog Can Lick Anyone

Computer programmers don't byte They nibble a bit.

BEER It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice) We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Out of my mind... Back in five minutes.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Oh crap! You're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?

Do not disturb I'm disturbed enough already.

Excuse, but do I look like someone who cares?

Procrastinate Now

All men are idiots And I married their king.

In America Anyone Can Be President That's One of the Risks You Take.

Hard work has a future payoff Laziness pays off now.

Where there's a will... I want to be in it.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

I wear the brains in the family.

No sense in being pessimistic It wouldn't work anyway!

I'm sorry My fault I forgot you were an idiot.

Dear Math, solve your own problems funny tshirt

Stop asking for your X, she's not coming back funny tshirt saying phrase

If life gives you lemons, keep it because it's free lemons cheap funny tshirt

If life gives you lemons, keep it because it’s free lemons

I support recycling, I wore this yesterday funny tshirt with quotes and sayings

What if I told you

What if I told you – Buy this T-shirt

I am disappointment in you're grammar

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and spider

Always give 100% unless donating blood

Funny T-shirt Sayings about Animal

Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant funny Tshirt saying

The weather is great up here, funny Tshirt

Awwwsasin funny Tshirt sayings phrase quotes

Rawr means I love you

Making bacon

Rock paper scissors lizard

Zombies hate fast food

Like a boss

Hater gonna hate

Stand back, I'm professional funny tshirt

"I'm bad with names. Can I just call you dumbass?" -Hot Topic t-shirt

"Guns don't kill people. People with moustaches kill people." -Hot Topic t-shirt

"Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfest?" -Hot Topic t-shirt

"I'm a Ninja. (You can't see me)" -Hot Topic t-shirt

"I crossed over to the Dark Side. Don't worry- I brought a flashlight." -Hot Topic t-shirt

"I love poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.” -Hot Topic t-shirt

"Sarcasm- it beats killing people." -Hot Topic t-shirt

"Your inferiority complex might be justified." -Hot Topic t-shirt

"Silence is golden but duct tape is silver." -Hot Topic t-shirt

"On a scale of 1 to 10, you really suck." -random t-shirt

"I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter." -random t-shirt

"Do not start with me- You will not win." -random t-shirt
"I AM NOT LAZY. I am physically conservative." -Random T-shirt that I want

"So many right-wing Christians, so few Lions..." -T-shirt spotted by John R.

"No, I do not kill babies. No, I do not worship satan. No, I do not do love spells. No, I do not fly. No, I do not turn into a cat. Yes, I am a witch." -t-shirt my friend Mia would like

"If you choke a smurf...what color will it turn?" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"You have kind eyes. The kind I'd like to poke out." -Random t-shirt

"Every time you open your mouth...Some idiot starts talking." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"My parents said I could be anything, so I became an asshole." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Your lips keep moving...but all I hear is 'Blah Blah Blah...'" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"The only mark I've made in life is in my underwear." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"GOOD JOB! You haven't done anything stupid in five minutes!" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Let's play carpenter! First we get hammered, then I nail you." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"NOT PERFECT but so close it scares me." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Buy this man a beer." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"SAVE THE TREES. Wipe your ass with an owl." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"DON'T RUSH ME. I get paid by the hour." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Therapy is expensive. Beer is cheap...What to do?...What to do?" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I am not infantile, you stinky poophead." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"No job, no money, no car, but I'm in a band." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I'm multi-talented; I can talk and piss you off at the same time." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"When I snap, you'll be the first to go." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I'm retired, but I work part-time as a pain in the ass." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Just how much fun can I have before I go to Hell?" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"This is not a BEER GUT. It's a protective covering for my rock hard abs." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I'm trying to see things from your point of view...but I can't get my head that far up my ass." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Join the ARMY. Visit exotic places, meet interesting people, then kill them." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"You're an inspiration to idiots everywhere." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Your village called...They want their idiot back!" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"On the journey of life, I chose the psycho path." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"My Anger Management class PISSES ME OFF." --Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Let's skip the insults and get right to your ass kicking." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"On your mark, get set...Go Away." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"Jenius." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I live in my own little world, but it's ok...they know me here." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I'm so miserable without you, it's like you're still here!" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on the list." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"It's hard to show I CARE since I don't." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"You can pick your nose. You can pick your friends. But you can't wipe your friends on the couch." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"WARNING: I have gas and I know how to use it." -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"I never went to bed with an ugly woman, but I sure have woke up with a few!" -Johnsons Smith catalog t-shirt

"It's only funny until someone loses an eye. Then, hey, free eyeball." -Hot Topic t-shirt (mine!)

"GEEZER (formerly known as "Stud Muffin")" -Random T-shirt catalogue page

"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message." -My friend Cathy's Hot Topic T-shirt

"I remember laughing at 40 year olds when I was young. But now I can't remember what was so funny." -Random T-shirt catalogue page

"Which one of my personalities do you find offensive? - One of my own Hot Topic shirts

"Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors!" -One of my own Hot Topic shirts

"So much to do...so few people to do it for me..." -One of my own Hot Topic shirts

"I wish I could Ctrl+Alt+Del you." -Hot Topic t-shirt

"I'm in shape. Round is a shape." -High Cotton catalogue

"Team Effort is a lot of people doing what I say." -High Cotton catalogue

"Lawyers have feelings, too. Allegedly." -High Cotton catalogue

"People are dying. Oh well, gotta go and download some music..." -High Cotton catalogue

"Five minutes with me is like an hour with an angry mob." -High Cotton catalogue

"Time flies when you're in a coma." -High Cotton catalogue

"Speed Dater: got a minute?" -High Cotton catalogue

"I'm objective- I object to everything." -High Cotton catalogue

"I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy." -High Cotton catalogue

"Size matters. Pad your wallet." -High Cotton catalogue

"You never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychiatrist's office." -High Cotton catalogue

"It's all fun and games 'til someone loses an eye." -High Cotton catalogue

"Do 40 year-old men wear boxers or briefs? Depends." -High Cotton catalogue

"A little gray hair is a small price to pay for this much wisdom." -High Cotton catalogue

"I'm retired. Do it yourself." -High Cotton catalogue

"I'm too sexy for my age." -High Cotton catalogue

"40 year old, one owner. Needs parts, make offer." -High Cotton catalogue

"Old dog-anxious to learn new tricks." -High Cotton catalogue

"I'm 40 and I feel great! Feel for yourself!" -High Cotton catalogue

"OLD: Openminded, Lovable, Dignified." -High Cotton catalogue

"Scores golf by the honor system." -High Cotton catalogue

"You don't know me. (Seal of FWPP, Federal Witness Protection Program)" -High Cotton catalogue

"Retired. Leave me alone." -High Cotton catalogue

"I hit 2 good balls today. I stepped on a rake." -High Cotton catalogue

"The ancient Egyptians worshipped cats as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." -High Cotton catalogue

"Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?" -T-shirt spotted by me

"Fat people are harder to kidnap." -Random T-shirt

"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory!" -Random shirt

"I have my own little world. But, that's ok. They know me here!" -Random shirt

"SARCASIM-Just another one of the free services I offer." -T-shirt spotted by Samantha A.

"I used to care, but now I take a pill for that." -T-shirt spotted by Samantha A.

"I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do." -T-shirt spotted by Samantha A.

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!" -Friend's T-shirt

"I see dumb people." -One of my own shirts!

"Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go." -Another one of my own!

"Don't let your mind wander. It's to small to be outside on it's own." -Another one of my own!

"Don't talk to me when I'm talking to myself." -Random T-shirt

"(Front) GO AWAY! (Back) I have enough friends already." -Another one of mine.

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -My friend Josh's t-shirt

"Trust me. I do this all the time." -Josh's shirt

"People like you are the reason people like me need medication." -T-shirt spotted by Samantha Alvarado

"Whatever it was, I swear I didn't do it!" -T-shirt spotted by Samantha Alvarado

"Yes, cheese. You know, cheese?" -KenWest 'Annie' shirt

"You laugh because I'm DIFFERENT. I laugh because you're all the SAME." -'Hot Topic' T-Shirt

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." -Jack Astor's T-shirt

"I lost my number. Can I have yours?" -Jack Astor's T-shirt

"I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now." -Jack Astor's T-shirt

"Hold my beer while I kiss your girlfriend." -Jack Astor's T-shirt (Can you tell I've been there lately?)

"It's our business doing pleasure with you." -Jack Astor's T-shirt

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." -Jack Astor's T-shirt

"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up." -Random shirt online

"I am well travelled. (Not really, my mind wanders.)" -My friend Joe D.'s T-shirt

"Yes, as a matter of fact, the world does revolve around me." -Another of my friend Joe D.'s shirts

"Keep staring. I might do a trick." -Another of my friend Joe D.'s shirts

"I'm not anti social...I just don't like you." -Hot Topic T-shirt

"I get enough exercise pushing my luck." -My friend Travis C.'s shirt

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?" -My friend Travis C.'s shirt

"Don't put a cat on your head. It hurts real bad." -My friend Travis C.'s shirt

"Drunk chicks think I'm hot." -My friend Kathy F.'s shirt

"Keep your receipt. Maybe you can return your boyfriend." -My friend Kimberly A.'s shirt

"Go away." -My friend Elias's shirt

"I can only be nice to one person today. Today is not your day. (And tomorrow's not looking good, either.) -My friend Elias' shirt