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Funny Wedding Quotes Biography

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The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.

Barbara de Angelis

Marriage, Heart, Husband

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Good, Happy, Wife

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

Robert Frost

Funny, Worry, Earth

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

Judge, Married, Asked

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Love, Happiness, Jealousy

A young bride is like a plucked flower; but a guilty wife is like a flower that had been walked over.

Honore de Balzac

Wife, Young, Flower

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.

Lord Byron

Love, Great, Married

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Ambrose Bierce

Happiness, Woman, Her

Getting married, for me, was the best thing I ever did. I was suddenly beset with an immense sense of release, that we have something more important than our separate selves, and that is the marriage. There's immense happiness that can come from working towards that.

Nick Cave

Marriage, Happiness, Best

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it - and sometimes three.

Heraclitus

Sometimes, Three, Takes

I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.

Lord Byron

Happiness, Married, Misery

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

Helen Rowland

Marriage, Her, She

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Phyllis Diller

Dog, Picture, Died

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.

Joseph Addison

Woman, Advice, Her

When the wedding march sounds the resolute approach, the clock no longer ticks, it tolls the hour. The figures in the aisle are no longer individuals, they symbolize the human race.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Race, Longer, Hour

In my 50s I'll be dancing at my children's weddings.

Michael J. Fox

Children, Dancing, Weddings

That is ever the way. 'Tis all jealousy to the bride and good wishes to the corpse.

James M. Barrie

Jealousy, Good, Wishes

The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too much lock.

Christopher Morley

Enough, Trouble, Lock

An invitation to a wedding invokes more trouble than a summons to a police court.

William Feather

Trouble, Police, Court

A gloomy guest fits not a wedding feast.

Friedrich Schiller

Gloomy, Feast, Guest

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

Karl Pilkington

Reason, Toaster

I remember when I was in school, they would ask, 'What are you going to be when you grow up?' and then you'd have to draw a picture of it. I drew a picture of myself as a bride.

Gwen Stefani

School, Remember, Picture

I'd imagine my wedding as a fairy tale... huge, beautiful and white.

Paris Hilton

Beautiful, Imagine, White

Women who marry early are often overly enamored of the kind of man who looks great in wedding pictures and passes the maid of honor his telephone number.

Anna Quindlen

Women, Great, Honor

Christmas carols always brought tears to my eyes. I also cry at weddings. I should have cried at a couple of my own.

Ethel Merman

Christmas, Eyes, Cry

The first thing I did when I sold my book was buy a new wedding ring for my wife and asked her to marry me all over again.

Nicholas Sparks

Book, Wife, Again

I think that weddings have probably been crashed since the beginning of time. Cavemen crashed them. You go to meet girls. It makes sense.

Christopher Walken

Time, Girl, Sense

When I design a wedding dress with a bustle, it has to be one the bride can dance in. I love the idea that something is practical and still looks great.

Vera Wang

Love, Great, Design

Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night.

Peter Ustinov

Hate, Night, Door

The press is just not your friend when it comes to a marriage. That's why we didn't sell the pictures of our wedding, and we got offered millions of dollars for them, millions.

Katy Perry

Marriage, Friend, Pictures

I sang a song at my sister's wedding. My mother forced me into that, too. But that one felt all right.

Adam Sandler

Mother, Song, Sister

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.

Heinrich Heine

Music, Battle, Soldiers

When I decided to get married at 40, I couldn't find a dress with the modernity or sophistication I wanted. That's when I saw the opportunity for a wedding gown business.

Vera Wang

Business, Married, Decided

It was only literally hours after the wedding when he felt he didn't have to keep up the facade.

Trisha Goddard

Keep, Felt, Hours

I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, for qualities that would wear well.

Oliver Goldsmith

Wife, Her, She

I don't know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain't even never been to a wedding.

Mike Epps

Marriages

A person's character is but half formed till after wedlock.

Charles Simmons

Character, Half, Wedlock

O month when they who love must love and wed.

Helen Hunt Jackson

Love, Month, Wed

In the '50s, a lot of girls never saw beyond the wedding day.

Helen Reddy

Girl, Beyond, Saw

People always complain, 'you never invited me to your wedding', but I prefer casual weddings.

Sinead O'Connor

Complain, Casual, Invited

No jealousy their dawn of love overcast, nor blasted were their wedded days with strife; each season looked delightful as it past, to the fond husband and the faithful wife.

James Beattie

Love, Jealousy, Past

Personally, I'm an advocate for short engagements. Long sometimes means there is a reason for it. Two years engaged and no wedding... I'd be upset.

Emily Blunt

Sometimes, Short, Reason

There's a higher form of happiness in commitment. I'm counting on it.

Claire Forlani

Happiness, Commitment, Higher

The Wedding March has a bit of a death march in it.

Brian May

Death, Bit, March

Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night.

Paul Hornung

Morning, Night, Married

A wedding is such a girl thing.

Selma Blair

Girl

Of course, I do have a slight advantage over the rest of you. It helps in a pinch to be able to remind your bride that you gave up a throne for her.

King Edward VIII

Rest, Her, Able

I really did put up all my wedding pictures on my website. And I swear to you, my wedding pictures got downloaded just as much as my bikini pictures.

Cindy Margolis

Pictures, Swear, Website

I want the big drama. I always said I don't want a wedding I want a parade.

Star Jones

Said, Drama, Parade

No wedding bells for me anymore. I've been happily married to my profession for years.

Shirley Bassey

Married, Anymore, Profession

I get very nervous when I have to take my wedding ring off.

Jerry O'Connell

Off, Nervous, Ring

All weddings, except those with shotguns in evidence, are wonderful.

Liz Smith

Wonderful, Except, Evidence

The one thing that I'm in charge of in this wedding is the food.

Rob Mariano

Food, Charge

Saw a wedding in the church. It was strange to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.

Samuel Pepys

Strange, Poor, Married

When he came back from downtown, he had forgotten to bring his license, his identification, the $2 for the wedding license. So we got married two days later.

Eydie Gorme

Days, Married, Forgotten

I'm one of those people who has always been a bridesmaid.

Piper Laurie

You may invite the entire 35th Division to your wedding if you want to. I guess it's going to be yours as well as mine. We might as well have the church full while we are at it.

Bess Truman

May, Church, While

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.

Paul Sweeney

Anniversary, Love, Trust

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Erma Bombeck

Marriage, Time, Home

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

Eddie Cantor

Marriage, Flowers, Smell

I've been looking at some video clips on YouTube of President Obama - then candidate Obama - going through Iowa making promises. The gap between his promises and his performance is the largest I've seen, well, since the Kardashian wedding and the promise of 'til death do we part.

Mitt Romney

Death, Looking, Between

I'm not really that girl who dreams about her wedding day.

Taylor Swift

Dreams, Girl, Her

In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again. We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring.

Enid Bagnold

Marriage, May, Child

For me, life has either been a wake or a wedding.

Peter O'Toole

Life, Either, Wake

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

James Thurber

Food, Dangerous, Cake

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

Helen Rowland

Woman, Her, Point

One tradition I have with my friends is that when one of us gets married, we have a ton of fragrance oils and pretty bottles at the bachelorette party. Everyone puts a drop or two in a bottle for the bride and makes a wish, and the bride wears our creation on her wedding day.

Jennifer Aniston

Friends, Pretty, Wish

I always had boyfriends, but I never imagined a proposal or a wedding. To me, that was like having a ball and chain round your neck.

Sandra Bullock

Boyfriend, Ball, Round

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Father, Baby, Bride

I've always been the type to fall in love fast and, with every boyfriend, I plan out my wedding in my head.

Kim Kardashian

Love, Head, Plan

I did get to keep the wedding dresses from 'Runaway Bride'. They're all boxed up in my garage. I've never opened them. It'll be fun one day when Hazel is taller. She can play dress-up with her friends.

Julia Roberts

Fun, Friends, Keep

We were pretty good mates until the Beatles started to split up and Yoko came into it. It was more like old army buddies splitting up on account of wedding bells.

Paul McCartney

Good, Pretty, Old

I think a lot of people get so obsessed with the wedding and the expense of the wedding that they miss out on what the real purpose is. It's not about a production number, it's about a meaningful moment between two people that's witnessed by people that they actually really know and care about.

Jane Seymour

Care, Moment, Purpose

When I was a seminarian, I was dazzled by a girl I met at an uncle's wedding. I was surprised by her beauty, her intellectual brilliance... and, well, I was bowled over for quite a while.

Pope Francis

Beauty, Girl, Her

When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: 'Here comes the bride, all fat and wide.' Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.

Jo Brand