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Funny Quotes For Kids Biography

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Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: 'I'm with you kid. Let's go.'

Maya Angelou

Life, Taken, Loves

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Red Skelton

Ask, Run, Bedtime

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips

Work, Night, Forgive

Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.

Chanakya

Time, Best, Children

Say there's a white kid who lives in a nice home, goes to an all-white school, and is pretty much having everything handed to him on a platter - for him to pick up a rap tape is incredible to me, because what that's saying is that he's living a fantasy life of rebellion.

Eminem

Life, Home, Nice

Some of my foster families used to send me to the movies to get me out of the house and there I'd sit all day and way into the night. Up in front, there with the screen so big, a little kid all alone, and I loved it. I loved anything that moved up there and I didn't miss anything that happened and there was no popcorn either.

Marilyn Monroe

Alone, Movies, Night

I was a smart kid, but I hated school.

Eminem

School, Smart, Hated

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

Ernest Hemingway

Successful, Father, Rule

I really had a lot of dreams when I was a kid, and I think a great deal of that grew out of the fact that I had a chance to read a lot.

Bill Gates

Dreams, Great, Chance

When you're a little kid, you don't see color, and the fact that my friends were black never crossed my mind. It never became an issue until I was a teenager and started trying to rap.

Eminem

Mind, Friends, Black

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Mitch Hedberg

Children, Book, Read

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

George H. W. Bush

Mother, Since, President

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

Parents, Found, Moved

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

Face, Reading, Library

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Mitch Hedberg

Work, Sure, Kitchen

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

Steven Wright

Child, Eventually, Sand

I don't react to a tragic happening any more. I took so many bad things as a kid and some people think I don't care about anything. It's just too hard for me to get emotional. I can't cry no more.

Mike Tyson

Bad, Care, Emotional

I don't blame the average seventeen-year-old punk-rock kid for calling me a sellout. I understand that. And maybe when they grow up a little bit, they'll realize there's more things to life than living out your rock & roll identity so righteously.

Kurt Cobain

Life, Rock, Living

Until we're educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do.

Bill Gates

Until, City, Fantastic

I've been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don't have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms.

Lady Gaga

School, Loser, Everyone

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

Steven Wright

Guy, Asked, Train

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

Steven Wright

Time, Black, Sometimes

It's so easy for a kid to join a gang, to do drugs... we should make it that easy to be involved in football and academics.

Snoop Dogg

Football, Easy, Involved

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

Father, Picture, Wallet

The 1st period is won by the best technician. The 2nd period is won by the kid in the best shape. The 3rd period is won by the kid with the biggest heart.

Dan Gable

Best, Heart, Won

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Him, Birds

I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

Liked, Met

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

Steven Wright

Together, Thinking, Trying

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

Steven Wright

Funny, Attention, Stage

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Emo Philips

Friend, Door, Next

Cruelty is, perhaps, the worst kid of sin. Intellectual cruelty is certainly the worst kind of cruelty.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Worst, Cruelty, Perhaps

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

P. J. O'Rourke

Normal, Nose, Three

Normal people have an incredible lack of empathy. They have good emotional empathy, but they don't have much empathy for the autistic kid who is screaming at the baseball game because he can't stand the sensory overload. Or the autistic kid having a meltdown in the school cafeteria because there's too much stimulation.

Temple Grandin

Good, School, Game

My father wasn't around when I was a kid, and I used to always say, 'Why me? Why don't I have a father? Why isn't he around? Why did he leave my mother?' But as I got older I looked deeper and thought, 'I don't know what my father was going through, but if he was around all the time, would I be who I am today?'

LeBron James

Time, Today, Mother

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Johnny Carson

Used, Behind, Naive

I'm just a kid - I've got a lot of stuff to do yet.

Clint Eastwood

Stuff

I grew up as this very carefree, happy kid then things turned darker for me. Maybe it was because I saw that the world wasn't as happy a place as I had hoped it would be for me.

Angelina Jolie

Happy, Place, Maybe

As a kid I just felt like an outsider.

Marilyn Manson

Felt, Outsider

I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

Jim Carrey

Mean, Strange, Alive

As a kid I had buck teeth and braces and acne. I hated what I saw. I'm still not comfortable, but that's why I change and adapt the way I look.

Marilyn Manson

Change, Teeth, Hated

I was exposed to a mix of cultures, lots of different religions and beliefs. I was a spiritual kid and went to Indian powwows and Buddhist temples. But over a period of time, with reading and thinking, I started to feel it was all so absurd: The whole idea of life after death is ridiculous.

Harvey Fierstein

Life, Time, Death

Let's face it. No kid in high school feels as though they fit in.

Stephen King

School, Face, High

I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just is crazy that I'm 53. I think I'm very immature. I feel like a kid. That's why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can't do certain things anymore - like doing the plank for 10 minutes.

Ellen DeGeneres

Time, Crazy, Forget

Green Eggs and Ham was the story of my life. I wouldn't eat a thing when I was a kid, but Dr. Seuss inspired me to try cauliflower!

Jim Carrey

Life, Story, Inspired

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Ellen DeGeneres

Home, Good, Working

From the time I was a kid, I always knew something was going to happen to me. Didn't know exactly what.

Elvis Presley

Time, Happen, Knew

Smoking sucks! The one thing I would say to my kid is, 'It's not just that it's bad for you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting a stupid addiction to a stupid thing that doesn't even really give you a good buzz?'

Katherine Heigl

Life, Good, Bad

How does a kid from Coos Bay, with one leg longer than the other win races?

Steve Prefontaine

Win, Longer, Leg

I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is about sex, and that's fine for me. I'm not saying I don't like it. But I don't think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there's just no innocence left.

Ellen DeGeneres

Sex, Saying, Kids

As a young kid, I really wanted to be rich.

Robert Kiyosaki

Young, Rich

I love my children beyond all reason. They're my joy, even when they're wild with kid energy.

Christopher Meloni

Love, Children, Joy

I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.

Ellen DeGeneres

Love, Good, Since

I don't ever feel like the cool kid at the party, ever. It's like, 'Smile and be nice to everybody, because you were not invited to be here.'

Taylor Swift

Smile, Cool, Nice

I've been my mom's kitchen helper since I was a little kid.

Taylor Swift

Mom, Since, Kitchen

As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.

Tiger Woods

Fun, Golf, Used

So many people try to grow up too fast, and it's not fun! You should stay a kid as long as possible!

Vanessa Hudgens

Fun, Possible, Fast

This generation is so dead. You ask a kid, 'What are you doing this Saturday?' and they'll be playing video games or watching cable, instead of building model cars or airplanes or doing something creative. Kids today never say, 'Man, I'm really into remote-controlled steamboats.'

Jack White

Today, Kids, Dead

Can I jump over two or three guys like I used to? No. Am I as fast as I used to be? No, but I still have the fundamentals and smarts. That's what enables me to still be a dominant player. As a kid growing up, I never skipped steps. I always worked on fundamentals because I know athleticism is fleeting.

Kobe Bryant

Growing, Used, Three

But ever since I was a kid, I was always the winner.

LeBron James

Winner, Since

I still consider myself a little, fat kid from Hawaii.

Robert Kiyosaki

Fat, Consider, Hawaii

When I was a kid, my mother told me that if you could not be a good loser, then there's no way you could be a good winner.

Halle Berry

Good, Mother, Loser

I'm very sensitive to the English language. I studied the dictionary obsessively when I was a kid and collect old dictionaries. Words, I think, are very powerful and they convey an intention.

Drew Barrymore

Words, Powerful, Language

I joined the swim team when I was 12, and I was the worst kid in the pool - I was put with a group of 7-year-olds.

Lance Armstrong

Team, Group, Worst

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

Dog, Year, Dumb

As a kid, you run around the house pretending to be a superhero, and now to be doing it as a job, I feel very lucky.

Chris Hemsworth

Job, Lucky, Pretending

I'm not concerned with people seeing me in a certain way. Some people see me as a kid, some people see me as an adult. But I'm seriously not going to complain how anybody sees me, as long as they see me.

Taylor Swift

Seriously, Complain, Adult

What starts the process, really, are laughs and slights and snubs when you are a kid. If your anger is deep enough and strong enough, you learn that you can change those attitudes by excellence, personal gut performance.

Richard M. Nixon

Change, Anger, Strong

Every kid has a bug period... I never grew out of mine.

E. O. Wilson

Mine, Period, Bug

You always get a special kick on opening day, no matter how many you go through. You look forward to it like a birthday party when you're a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen.

Joe DiMaggio

Birthday, Forward, Happen

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

Sam Levenson

Parents, Poor, Him

I'm so nervous. I've always been nervous, ever since I was a kid.

Elvis Presley

Since, Nervous

I look at how my kids view exercise. They have a complete understanding that nutrition and exercise go hand in hand. I didn't think like that when I was a kid. But they have a real consciousness about it that I'd like to think comes from the years of attention we've put into this.

Michelle Obama

Kids, Attention, Exercise

I like friends who are honest and loyal. They also shouldn't be afraid to be a kid. I like having fun.

Vanessa Hudgens

Fun, Friends, Honest

Acting has given me a way to channel my angst. I feel like an overweight, pimply faced kid a lot of the time - and finding a way to access that insecurity, and put it toward something creative is incredibly rewarding. I feel very lucky.

Ryan Reynolds

Time, Insecurity, Acting

We approach people the same way we approach our cars. We take the poor kid to a doctor and ask, What's wrong with him, how much will it cost, and when can I pick him up?

James Hillman

Wrong, Poor, Him