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Funny Borat Quotes Biography

source (google.com.pk)

Jagshemash! My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex, it's nice. These are my country of a Kazakhstan.

Presenting his new movie

My mother, she never love me. (Stifled chuckle) She say she wish she was raped by someone else.

Talking to a couple of older southern gents

This my neighbor, Nursultan Tuleiakbay. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success!

Talking about his neighbor in the beginning of his movie.

Last night I...I had a sex.

Making conversation to an elder woman at a formal lunch

Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard.

Talking to a car salesman - referring to his former wife

In Kazakhstan, three main issues: economic, social, and Jew.

Introducing Kazakhstan to America

This suit is NOT black!

Unsuccessfully attempting a "not" joke with help from a humor instructor

This suit is black not.

Still failing to make a "not" joke correctly

My moustache still tastes of your testes!

Speaking to his producer Azamat after the two had a nude wrestling match

I hope President Bush drinks the blood of every man, woman, and child in Iraq!

Talking to a rodeo crowd before singing the Kazakh national anthem

I will look upon your treasures, gyspy. This is understood?

Confusing a woman conducting a yard sale with a gypsy

Gypsy, give me your tears. If you will not give them to me, I will take them from you!

Still not understanding what a yard sale is

They have return! And they shape shift!

Mistaking cockroaches in his room at a bed and breakfast with "shape-shifting" Jews

My wife, she is dead...She die in ahh, in a field...

Making conversation in "British Guide to Ettiquette"

There is a smell, I wo...It smell like a shit.

Making conversation at a formal lunch

I like you, do you like me? In Kazakstahn we think America technologely very good, and now I see is a very primitive.

Talking to a man who is demonstrating carpentry techniques from the 19th century

My sister...she�s a...prostitute. (Answer: That�s sad, why?). She like to make money, high five!

Making conversation to an elder woman at a formal lunch

May I ask you are a man who does with another man?

A question posed to a man attending the Henley Regatta

Mow the fucking Bucks!

Cheering on a team at the Henley Regatta

Do you like a porno?

Making conversation at a formal lunch

Throw the Jew down the well, so my country can be free. You must grab him by his horns, and then we have a big party.

Singing in a country bar in USA

They do a bang bang bang in other men anus

Talking to James Broadwater

We say in Kazakhstan, a man who goes to power, must have a big... how you say?( gestures to his groin). How you say...Khram?

Talking to James Broadwater and a possible voter

Every Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp, some like to make the jam, but the most fun is to a kill a little animal with a shotgun or rip them up with wild dog.

Commenting on English hunting

Is possible make a shit your house immediately, very urgent, I have problem, please?

Asking a possible voter of James Broadwater

In Kazakhstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape, and table tennis.

Talking about hobbies

There are many job opportunities in the US and of A. For men, construction worker, taxi driver or accountant. For woman, prostitute.

Talking about the job opportunities in America

This my friend Mari. I come here for massage and, how you say? Hand relief. Every Thursday, he clean my hole.

At the Buitcha Water Spa in "Almaty"

This one I have to pay money for, but she worth it! Wa wa wee wa!

Introducing one of his many lady friends from the Best of Borat

You think maybe Blair is a man who take off his clothes and let his chram go hard and put in a man's bottom?

Interviewing a protester

And Gypsies, can they play or is best to keep them away?

Questioning a bowls club manager.

But if she cheat on me, I will crush her!

Speaking with Jenny Noel from Great Expectations Dating Agency

I had a good shit.

After relieving himself at the same lunch.

I love a baseball, do you love a baseballs?

At a Savannah Sand Gnats baseball game, speaking to the crowd

Is nice... Is a good, but I have... seen bigger.

Speaking with a man on the street about his penis, after touching it

She was voted by Almaty Chamber of Commerce as best sex in mouth. She is number 2, or 3, best prostitute in the country of Kazakhstan.

Speaking with singer and country musician Porter Wagoner about his sister while asking for song ideas

My wife, she is scared of men with chocolate face

Speaking to an estate agent, who promptly informed him that it's possible, although anyone purchasing property in the area would be quite well off.

My friend, Azamat Bagatov, a giant from Turkmenistan attack him and broke his anus.

Telling the self defence teacher about rapes in Kazakhstan

My wife, she make very much noise when she do a toilet.

In my country we say to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane, very dangerous yes.

I say this because, I had a very bad Gypsie attack...they stole my wife, plow... and they touch my horse in a very bad way... he got very depressed.

Speaking to an estate agent about a house with a fence.

Can I buy you?

Directed towards an elderly employee at a recreation of a slave plantation.

If you vote for him he will make sure you and your family have a good years. If you do not... you�ll be sorry.

Trying to convince an elderly woman to vote for James Broadwater for U.S. Congress.

You are a fat!

Talking to a man after the formal lunch has ended

Democracy is different in America. For example: women can vote but horse can not!

Talking about the difference between America and Kazakhstan.

Can I put a camera in the lady toilet?

Asking questions at a job interview.

Why Not?

Repeated many times during interviews.

Little birdie told me that Conan like to make a sex crime, high five!

At an interview with Conan O'Brien

She must be tight, like a man's anus.

Detailing his requirements for his ideal partner.

We want to speak with someone who can vote.

Talking to a woman while campaining with James Broadwater.

Yes, I have been in a movie Dirty Jew. I play the one who eh... the hero, the one who shot him.

At a television audition.

Hello, thank you to speak me.

Starting the conversation with James Broadwater.

I am big like a can of Pepsi.

In reference to his penis.

You remind me my wife... why you laugh? She dead.

Speaking with a woman at a meet-a-date roundtable.

Please, you come see my film. If it not success, I will be execute.

Presenting his new movie.

Welcome to the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest.

Introduction to the MTV Europe Music Awards (EMAs).

That singer before me. Who was HE? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine, how you say...transvestite. He was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away.

Following Madonna at the MTV EMAs.

Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussy Cat Dolls.

Introducing Pussy Cat Dolls at the MTV EMAs.

There is one singer called Shakira... sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, 'Can I touch your shakira?' or 'I have seen your wife's shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog.

Introducing Gorillaz at the MTV EMAs.

My 13-year-old son is travelling here by foot, with his two wives and his three childrens." "If he survives the journey I have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute Shakira.

At the MTV EMA press conference.

To the world, I love you! Apart from Uzbekistan. Assholes.

To conclude the MTV EMAs.

Why there are not any Kazakh bands here? Where is Gorky Buzec? And where are the Cock Boys?

Hosting the MTV European Music Awards.

If there is one more item of Uzbek propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for baking bagels, or export over 300 tons of human pubis per year, then we will be left with no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults.

At a recent press conference in Washington, D.C..

I will put this prize next to the only other one I won, from Central Asian Olympic Committee. For hitting gypsy with rock at 50 meters.