Funny Quotes Of The Day Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers Taglog For Kids

Funny Quotes Of The Day Biography

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Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.

Please take that off. You look like a homeless pencil.

If you need me, I’ll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.

Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, ‘Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat.’

Don’t pretend to know my pain.

Schmidt: “Here’s another tip, don’t ask a guy out on a first date on the least sexy holiday in America.”

Jess: “What are the sexiest holidays in America?”

Schmidt: “The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July — Independence Day, obviously. Women’s History Month. Christmas.”

Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this – prison?

Have you seen my sharkskin laptop sleeve?

Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil.

Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.

I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Damp towel, damp! It’s like a really big wet nap. I feel like I’m being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You’re too humid.

Youths!

Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?

Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish walking cape!

I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is like a unique experience.

Schmidt happens. Thumb ring, bitch! You’ve got some Schmidt on your face!

I’m really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, ‘Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?’

Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!

What if he gets into an accident? What if he’s horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? I’m standing there, I’m saying, ‘Sorry, officer, I can’t help you, because no, I haven’t seen his penis.’ An then boom, he’s buried in an unmarked grave.

Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!

This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!

You’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?

Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.

I don’t celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’.

Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I’ve got a twist ending for you: shut up.

I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.

Schmidt: “No sig oths.”

Cece: “Just say ‘significant others.’”

Schmidt: “Maybe you have that kind of time, but I’m on a tight sched.”

The economy stinks, bees are dying, and movies are pretty much all sequels now.

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.

It’s only romantic because it’s a wedding. I’d be just as happy to sabotage, I don’t know, let’s say, her tax audit.

Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?

I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers. TC mark

I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better.
Steve Jobs
Fun, Trying, Customers

There are many harsh lessons to be learned from the gambling experience, but the harshest one of all is the difference between having Fun and being Smart.
Hunter S. Thompson
Experience, Fun, Smart

You can be childlike without being childish. A child always wants to have fun. Ask yourself, 'Am I having fun?'
Christopher Meloni
Yourself, Fun, Child

Winning is only half of it. Having fun is the other half.
Bum Phillips
Fun, Winning, Half

Every once in a while I think, 'What am I doing out here running, busting myself up? Life could be so much easier. The other guys are out having fun, doing other things, why not me?'
Steve Prefontaine
Life, Fun, Here

At 35, I'm definitely starting to feel more like a grown-up than I ever have. There's nothing in my life that is childish or whimsical. Having fun is fantastic and I never want to lose a sense of that - and also, I think, you have to have that to put into your work or else it's going to feel stiff.
Drew Barrymore
Life, Work, Fun

I like friends who are honest and loyal. They also shouldn't be afraid to be a kid. I like having fun.
Vanessa Hudgens
Fun, Friends, Honest

You'll never be disappointed if you always keep an eye on uncharted territory, where you'll be challenged and growing and having fun.
Kirstie Alley
Fun, Growing, Keep

Try to always stay focused on the objectives that are possible and the positive - and on having fun outside of the stuff that's going on in Washington.
Rush Limbaugh
Positive, Fun, Possible

I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away.
Heath Ledger
Fun, Away, Stop

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop
Men, Fun, Golf

You want to go to work with people you like and where everyone is having fun.
Megan Fox
Work, Fun, Everyone

When you work out or you're doing anything active, it's more fun as a group. You may lose track of the time, and the next thing you know, you're working out for two hours because you're having fun.
LeBron James
Work, Time, Fun

I just like having fun. And, you know, sometimes I just like to present myself in that fun energy.
Katy Perry
Fun, Sometimes, Energy

I just like having fun.
Katy Perry
Fun

I always knew the Sixties wasn't a revolution. It really was just a bunch of university students with wealthy parents having fun.
John Lydon
Fun, Parents, Revolution

The family teaches us about the importance of knowledge, education, hard work and effort. It teaches us about enjoying ourselves, having fun, keeping fit and healthy.
Kamisese Mara
Education, Work, Family

What are you going to do if it's the end of the world? You better go out having fun instead of stressing about it.
Kirsten Dunst
End, Fun, Instead

Bikes and planes aren't about going fast or having fun; they're toys, but serious ones.
Harrison Ford
Fun, Serious, Fast

I'm having fun opening up. Sort of struggling to get the audience into it. It's good. It makes you fight. Not fight like antagonistic. But fight for what you believe.
Joan Jett
Good, Fun, Fight

You gotta have fun. Regardless of how you look at it, we're playing a game. It's a business, it's our job, but I don't think you can do well unless you're having fun.
Derek Jeter

Business, Fun, Job
Just keep taking chances and having fun.
Garth Brooks
Fun, Keep, Taking

That's why this generation is the least racist generation ever. You see it all the time. Go to any club. People are intermingling, hanging out, having fun, enjoying the same music. Hip-hop is not just in the Bronx anymore. It's worldwide. Everywhere you go, people are listening to hip-hop and partying together. Hip-hop has done that.
Jay-Z
Music, Time, Fun

And I think that when I play these villains, maybe what is different is that the audience sees me play these and they know that that's Chris and he's having fun and he knows that and he knows that and you know that and everybody knows that.
Christopher Walken

Funny Quotes Of The Day Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers Taglog For Kids