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Funny Work Quotes Biography

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I don't think most of my coworkers would be that much different if they became actual zombies.

It annoys me when my coworkers are running around and avoiding work while I'm avoiding work at my desk

I'm sorry my recent absence from work caused you to have to do your own work.

Please let me know if that work I spent sleepless nights on was good enough for you to take credit for.

My condolences on all the small talk you must endure because of your desk's proximity to the elevator.

I love pretending I have the courage to quit my job.

I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.

Best of luck on your internship here and on getting me a coffee right now.

Let's discuss the company's health benefits during our smoke break.

I'm glad the slower summer pace at work gives us more time to complain about work

My resume is basically a list of things I hate to do.

Sometimes I like to treat myself at work and just do one thing at a time.

I wish you were as productive as your rectum is.

I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people.

Thanks for putting in extra hours to make a bullshit deadline that does not matter.

Thank you for replying to part of my e-mail.

Thanks for coming in early and staying late because I have kids and you don't.

I can't wait for my boss to leave for the day so I can stop pretending to work.

I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work.

Sometimes it takes me more than eight hours to get nothing done.

My only professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor other than me.

The only thing I plan to accomplish at work today is to turn a gallon of coffee into a gallon of piss.

We feel that your job performance would improve greatly if you just quit doing your job.

I can't believe you haven't finished the thing I forgot to tell you to start.

Your name still comes up at work whenever something goes horribly wrong and we don't want to take the blame.

Please figure this out and get back to me ASAP even though it would take me less time to do it myself than to write this email.

Bitching about other people not working really makes the day fly by.

I wish we had something better to do at our crappy jobs than check our disappearing 401(k)s which ensures we'll be stuck forever at our crappy jobs.

At least not having an office window means you'll never know how nice it is outside..

I couldn't get through Mondays without knowing you're equally miserable.