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Funny Quotes About Love Biography

source (google.com.pk)

There's a funny thing about love, and it's called everything. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the love quotes to prove it.

"You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah

"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner

"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" — Jean Illsley Clarke

"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero

"I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt." — Henny Youngman

"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." — Garry Shandling

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." — Richard Jeni

"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin

"Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." — Chelsea Handler

"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." — George Burns

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." — Groucho Marx

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." — Woody Allen

"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz

"Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers." — Richard Pryor

"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." — Chris Rock

"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself." — Johnny Carson

"My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor." — Elayne Boosler

"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning." — Ray Romano

"I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early." — Jack Benny

"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand." — Unknown

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." — Billy Crystal

"Women love a self-confident bald man." — Larry David

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them." — Bill Maher

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." — Jackie Mason

"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris

"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." — Phyllis Diller

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." — Erma Bombeck

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Melanie Griffith

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.

Helen Gurley Brown

Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.

Anonymous

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Albert Einstein

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

Woody Allen

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

Freud

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?"

Samuel Johnson

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Mandy Hampton

If a hug represented how much I loved you, I would hold you in my arms forever.

Judith Viorst

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

Agatha Christie

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

Remy de Gourmont

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.

Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Albert Einstein

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Bill Cosby

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Tim Allen

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Melanie Clark

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

Henny Youngman

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Judith Viorst

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.

Mignon McLaughlin

Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.