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Funny Quotes From The Office Biography

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The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Robert Frost

Morning, Brain, Working

I have no ambition to govern men; it is a painful and thankless office.

Thomas Jefferson

Men, Ambition, Painful

Difference of opinion is advantageous in religion. The several sects perform the office of a Censor - over each other.

Thomas Jefferson

Religion, Opinion, Difference

The second office in the government is honorable and easy; the first is but a splendid misery.

Thomas Jefferson

Government, Easy, Second

When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were.

John F. Kennedy

Bad, Saying, Surprised

The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Success, Leadership, Football

It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister, to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart. Having said this, I have said all.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Heart, Said, Christian

Instead of being concerned that you have no office, be concerned to think how you may fit yourself for office. Instead of being concerned that you are not known, seek to be worthy of being known.

Confucius

Yourself, May, Known

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.

Al Capp

Work, Walk, Anyone

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Phyllis Diller

Christmas, Job, Looking

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

Shirley MacLaine

Love, Drunk, While

The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.

George Bernard Shaw

War, Stand, Soldier

A man who has no office to go, to I don't care who he is, is a trial of which you can have no conception.

George Bernard Shaw

Care, Trial, Conception

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

Doctor, Died, Whose

I weep for the liberty of my country when I see at this early day of its successful experiment that corruption has been imputed to many members of the House of Representatives, and the rights of the people have been bartered for promises of office.

Andrew Jackson

Successful, Liberty, Corruption

No people is wholly civilized where a distinction is drawn between stealing an office and stealing a purse.

Theodore Roosevelt

Between, Stealing, Civilized

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

H. L. Mencken

Hate, Sense, Honesty

I found this national debt, doubled, wrapped in a big bow waiting for me as I stepped into the Oval Office.

Barack Obama

Waiting, Debt, Found

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

Aesop

Great, Public, Thieves

Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.

Mae West

Virtue, Reward, Box

There is probably a perverse pride in my administration... that we were going to do the right thing, even if short-term it was unpopular. And I think anybody who's occupied this office has to remember that success is determined by an intersection in policy and politics and that you can't be neglecting of marketing and P.R. and public opinion.

Barack Obama

Success, Politics, Remember

Official dignity tends to increase in inverse ratio to the importance of the country in which the office is held.

Aldous Huxley

Dignity, Importance, Increase

We need more of the Office Desk and less of the Show Window in politics. Let men in office substitute the midnight oil for the limelight.

Calvin Coolidge

Politics, Men, Show

To some degree it matters who's in office, but it matters more how much pressure they're under from the public.

Noam Chomsky

Matters, Pressure, Public

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Woody Allen

America, Crime, Year

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.

Harry S. Truman

Republican, Wants, Democrat

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

P. J. O'Rourke

History, Death, Character

No one should ever sit in this office over 70 years old, and that I know.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Old, Sit

People will say a movie bombed at the box office but I couldn't care less.

Johnny Depp

Care, Less, Movie

My country has contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived.

John Adams

Invention, Contrived, Conceived

It is easier to appear worthy of a position one does not hold, than of the office which one fills.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Hold, Position, Worthy

The Congressional Budget Office has been embarrassed repeatedly by making projections based on the assumption that tax revenues and tax rates move in the same direction.

Thomas Sowell

Direction, Making, Tax

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Johnny Carson

Time, Christmas, Lose

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Ambrose Bierce

Government, Republican, Cares

A wise man is cured of ambition by ambition itself; his aim is so exalted that riches, office, fortune and favour cannot satisfy him.

Samuel Johnson

Wise, Ambition, Him

Nixon is one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.

Harry S. Truman

Time, History, Talking

Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties.

George Clooney

Women, Run, Parties

No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.

Gloria Steinem

Work, Women, Home

I had three points I wanted to make: That not everybody in Hollywood is on the left, that Obama has broken a lot of the promises he made when he took office, and that the people should feel free to get rid of any politician who's not doing a good job. But I didn't make up my mind exactly what I was going to say until I said it.

Clint Eastwood

Good, Mind, Job

Whether a woman's running for office or she's supporting her husband who's running for office and she gets criticised for wearing open-toed shoes or for the colour of her coat, there's just a lot of history that you bear if you are a woman who puts herself out in the political arena.

Hillary Clinton

History, Woman, Political

Every president, if you watch what they look like when they come into office, you can see their hair turn white because it's such a hard job.

Hillary Clinton

Job, Hair, President

A politician never forgets the precarious nature of elective life. We have never established a practice of tenure in public office.

Hubert H. Humphrey

Life, Nature, Practice

Office politics are bloody-minded, but weak on content.

Mason Cooley

Politics, Weak, Content

In the discharge of the duties of this office, there is one rule of action more important than all others. It consists in never doing anything that someone else can do for you.

Calvin Coolidge

Others, Action, Else

One of the things the government can't do is run anything. The only things our government runs are the post office and the railroads, and both of them are bankrupt.

Lee Iacocca

Government, Both, Run

I'd like to talk to Arnold Schwarzenegger, 'cause I live in California and I just want to see that canned, chemical filled body in my office.

Henry Rollins

Talk, Body, Cause

Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

Ambrose Bierce

Politics, Leave, Failed

I have not the smarts or patience for political office.

Henry Rollins

Patience, Political, Smarts

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Charles Lamb

Leaving, Late, Early

The right way to reign in healthcare costs is not by applying more government and more controls and making it more like the post office, it's by making it more like a consumer-driven market.

Mitt Romney

Government, Making, Market

Some of the companies we helped start are names you know. An office supply company called Staples - where I'm pleased to see the Obama campaign has been shopping; The Sports Authority, which became a favorite of my sons. We started an early childhood learning center called Bright Horizons that First Lady Michelle Obama rightly praised.

Mitt Romney

Learning, Sports, Start

Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them.

David Hume

Reason, Pretend, Serve

I always supported the women I worked with having time off to go to parent-teacher conferences and doctors' appointments or bringing their infants into the office.

Hillary Clinton

Time, Women, Off

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Rita Rudner

Until, Doctor, Full

The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.

Henry A. Kissinger

Longer, Appear, Infallible

'We really shouldn't look like a church.' I've heard that so much I want to vomit. 'Why?' I ask. 'Do you want your bank to look like a bank? Do you want your doctor's office to look like a doctor's office, or would you prefer your doctor to dress like a clown?'

Charles R. Swindoll

Church, Doctor, Ask

He who uses the office he owes to the voters wrongfully and against them is a thief.

Jose Marti

Against, Thief, Owes

I want to be a cheerleader for women who have never even considered running for office or being involved in a campaign, but who in the quietness of their hearts might think, 'Why not me?'

Marianne Williamson

Women, Might, Involved

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Emo Philips

Evil, Understand, Post

There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration.

Lyndon B. Johnson

Treat, General, Favorites

In my office in Jerusalem, there's an ancient seal. It's a signet ring of a Jewish official from the time of the Bible. The seal was found right next to the Western Wall, and it dates back 2,700 years, to the time of King Hezekiah. Now, there's a name of the Jewish official inscribed on the ring in Hebrew. His name was Netanyahu.

Benjamin Netanyahu

Time, Bible, Next

The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal - that you can gather votes like box tops - is, I think, the ultimate indignity to the democratic process.

Adlai E. Stevenson

Idea, High, Process

I can only assume that your editorial writer tripped over the First Amendment and thought it was the office cat.

E. B. White

Writer, Assume, Cat

I believe in the battle-whether it's the battle of a campaign or the battle of this office, which is a continuing battle.

Richard M. Nixon

Battle, Campaign, Continuing

When I give a man an office, I watch him carefully to see whether he is swelling or growing.

Woodrow Wilson

Him, Growing, Whether

Most of the people who are in elective office in Washington, D.C., they have held public office before. How's that workin' for you?

Herman Cain

Public, Washington, Elective

High office teaches decision making, not substance. It consumes intellectual capital; it does not create it. Most high officials leave office with the perceptions and insights with which they entered; they learn how to make decisions but not what decisions to make.

Henry A. Kissinger

Decision, Learn, Decisions

I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.

Nicolas Cage

Blood, Color, Doctor

The number of people, the labor force, has shrunk by nine million human beings since Obama took office.

Rush Limbaugh

Since, Labor, Number

I've always believed in the old-fashioned way: When you've got scoundrels in office, you vote 'em out.

Rush Limbaugh

Vote, Believed, Scoundrels

If I were to make public these tapes, containing blunt and candid remarks on many different subjects, the confidentiality of the office of the president would always be suspect.

Richard M. Nixon

Public, President, Suspect

As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office.

Molly Ivins

Money, Women, Vote

But, you know, we have these entrenched entities - and I'm talking about both Republicans and Democrats - who believe that when you're elected to office, you become some kind of member of the aristocracy, and that anyone who challenges you is attacking you and is unpatriotic. This is foolishness.

Benjamin Carson

Become, Talking, Both

I would sincerely regret, and which never shall happen whilst I am in office, a military guard around the President.

Andrew Jackson

Happen, Regret, Military

Those who insist on the dignity of their office show they have not deserved it.

Baltasar Gracian

Show, Dignity, Deserved