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Birthday Funny Quotes Biography

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To my surprise, my 70s are nicer than my 60s and my 60s than my 50s, and I wouldn't wish my teens and 20s on my enemies.

Lionel Blue

Enemy, Wish, Surprise

My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I said I wanted to read poetry with her.

Guy Johnson

Poetry, Mother, Said

I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party.

Kirstie Alley

Happy, Party, Binge

People give one another things that can't be gift wrapped.

Nadine Gordimer

Gift, Another, Wrapped

Only then, approaching my fortieth birthday, I made philosophy my life's work.

Karl Jaspers

Life, Work, Philosophy

I quit high school on my birthday. It was my senior year and I didn't see the point. This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.

Barry White

Music, School, Year

The main prank that we play with props is for people's birthdays. The special effects people will put a little explosive in the cake so it blows up in their face - that's always fun to play on a guest star, or one of the trainees or someone who's new.

Catherine Bell

Fun, Special, Face

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

Art Buchwald

Again, Wonderful, Security

When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th.

Gloria Stuart

Nice, Everybody, July

In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.

Annette Funicello

Walk, Star, Fame

I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face.

Stephen Hopkins

Waiting, Night, Face

I'm amazed. When I was 40, I thought I'd never make 50. And at 50 I thought the frosting on the cake would be 60. At 60, I was still going strong and enjoying everything.

Gloria Stuart

Strong, Cake, Enjoying

My mom FedExes a red velvet cake she makes from scratch to me every birthday.

Molly Sims

Mom, Makes, She

At her birthday, my seven-year-old daughter will say that she wants these big cakes and certain expensive toys as presents, and I can't say no to her. It would just break my heart. But when I was little, for birthdays we just played outside and we were happy if we got any cake.

Goran Ivanisevic

Happy, Heart, Her

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.

Ruth Warrick

Good, Fun, Surprise

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Robert Frost

Age, Woman, Her

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

Audrey Hepburn

Success, Finding, Reaching

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

Demetri Martin

Christmas, Happy, Said

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Death, Fear, Last

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Rodney Dangerfield

Best, Respect, Woman

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

Kurt Vonnegut

Best, Good, Everybody

Just hit my 75th birthday, I'm feeling great!

Colin Powell

Great, Feeling, Hit

It was my 16th birthday - my mom and dad gave me my Goya classical guitar that day. I sat down, wrote this song, and I just knew that that was the only thing I could ever really do - write songs and sing them to people.

Stevie Nicks

Music, Dad, Mom

Any time women come together with a collective intention, it's a powerful thing. Whether it's sitting down making a quilt, in a kitchen preparing a meal, in a club reading the same book, or around the table playing cards, or planning a birthday party, when women come together with a collective intention, magic happens.

Phylicia Rashad

Time, Women, Book

You always get a special kick on opening day, no matter how many you go through. You look forward to it like a birthday party when you're a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen.

Joe DiMaggio

Sports, Forward, Happen

I'm most comfortable in my birthday suit.

Amanda Seyfried

Suit

Some people won't go the extra mile, and then on their birthday, when no one makes a fuss, they feel neglected and bitter.

Anne Lamott

Makes, Bitter, Neglected

Mum loves me being famous! She is so excited and proud, as she had me so young and couldn't support me, so I am living her dream, it's sweeter for both of us. It's her 40th birthday soon and I'm going to buy her 40 presents.

Adele

Famous, Living, Young

You know, maybe I was just born in the wrong time, but I love all things romantic. Puffy understands that. For my last birthday, he covered my hotel room floor with rose petals and had flowers and candles all over the room.

Jennifer Lopez

Romantic, Love, Time

The worst part about celebrating another birthday is the shock that you're only as well as you are.

Anne Lamott

Worst, Another, Shock

Every day, every birthday candle I blow out, every penny I throw over my shoulder in a wishing well, every time my daughter says, 'Let's make a wish on a star,' there's one thing I wish for: wisdom.

Rene Russo

Time, Wisdom, Wish

I just had my 30th birthday and we went turkey shooting. It's what I wanted to do, so we went.

Kelly Clarkson

Turkey, Shooting

I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory.

Sloane Crosley

Good, Memory, Baby

Cakes are special. Every birthday, every celebration ends with something sweet, a cake, and people remember. It's all about the memories.

Buddy Valastro

Remember, Special, Sweet

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

Lewis Black

Guy

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

Larry David

Funny, Thinking, Wife

I often go to bed in my birthday suit. But I like teddies and cute little undies that match. I like a sexy bra and panty set, or little shorts.

Queen Latifah

Sexy, Often, Cute

Having a birthday cake squashed into your face by young kids? Delicious. I always don a Santa suit at Christmas. Remaining childish is a tremendous state of innocence.

John Lydon

Christmas, Young, Kids

I like to go to anybody else's birthday, and if I'm invited I'm a good guest. But I never celebrate my birthdays. I really don't care.

Mikhail Baryshnikov

Good, Care, Else

My best kiss was on stage. Kelly Rowland from Destiny's Child gave me a really nice soft kiss on my lips during a performance on my birthday. It was amazing.

Chris Brown

Best, Amazing, Nice

When I was in elementary school, I used to write letters to myself. I'd write letters and go 'Dear Kristen-at-16-years-old, happy birthday. I hope you're doing something.'

Kristin Kreuk

Hope, Happy, School

I tried to bake a cake for my mother's birthday - it took me four hours. It was terrible, and I cried for three days.

Rachael Ray

Mother, Days, Three

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

Johnny Vegas

Mind, School, Sex

I left school on my 15th birthday.

David Bailey

School, Left

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

Flip Wilson

Teacher, School, Memory

I want a chainsaw very badly, because I think cutting down a tree would be unbelievably satisfying. I have asked for a chainsaw for my birthday, but I think I'll probably be given jewelry instead.

Susan Orlean

Tree, Jewelry, Asked

I threw my 20th birthday party at Brown, and I didn't even have to say to anyone not to put pictures on Facebook. Not a single picture went up. That was when I knew I'd found a solid group of friends, and I felt like I belonged.

Emma Watson

Friends, Single, Group

It is ironic that the one thing that all religions recognize as separating us from our creator, our very self-consciousness, is also the one thing that divides us from our fellow creatures. It was a bitter birthday present from evolution.

Annie Dillard

Bitter, Present, Ironic

I think the best thing about my job is that I have my life documented, which not many people get to have. They have a photo here and there and maybe some video footage from a birthday. My kids will be able to see me growing up.

Kirsten Dunst

Life, Best, Job

I had been offered a Hollywood contract before my 18th birthday. It gave me the spark I needed.

Gene Tierney

Hollywood, Gave, Needed