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Christmas Funny Quotes Biography

source (google.com.pk)

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus ― Bob Phillips

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph ― Shirley Temple, Hollywood star

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money ― Anonymous

You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger ― Robert Paul

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. ― Jerry Seinfeld

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home ― Carol Nelson

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included ― Bernard Manning

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child ― Erma Bombeck

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin ― Jay Leno

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year ― Victor Borge

A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing ― Jay Leno

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet ― Anonymous

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas ― Johnny Carson

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it ― Katharine Whitehorn

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic ― Anonymous

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present ― Anonymous

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries ― W.J. Cameron

Can I get a Picture of You so that I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Dear Santa,

I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty...

and it was worth it.

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. - Richard Lamm, former Governor of Colorado

"Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money." - Author unknown

"A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing." ~ Author unknown

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it." ~ Katharine Whitehorn, British columnist

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice." - Dave Barry, humor columnist

"The magi, as you know, were wise men — wonderfuly wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents." - O. Henry, short story writer

"Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping." - Jon Anderson, musician

"Consider Christmas — could Satan in his most malignant mood have devised a worse combination of graft plus bunkum than the system whereby several hundred million people get a billion or so gifts for which they have no use, and some thousands of shop clerks die of exhaustion while selling them, and every other child in the Western world is made ill from overeating — all in the name of the lowly Jesus?" - Upton Sinclair, author

"Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don't quite know how to put our love into words." - Harlan Miller, writer

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included”. – English Proverb

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." ~ Shirley Temple, child actor and former U.S. ambassador

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money." ~ Author Unknown

"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?" ~ Bill Watterson, cartoonist and creator of Calvin and Hobbes

"Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect." - Oren Arnold, author