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Funny Marriage Quotes Biography

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A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.

Andre Maurois

Successful, Edifice, Rebuilt

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen

Home, Wife, Immature

Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles.

Henry Ward Beecher

Married, Wings, Poorly

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.

Homer

Friends, Enemy, Wife

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

Clint Eastwood

Happy, Learn, Again

Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.

Cher

Left, Husbands, Fires

Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.

Ellen Key

Love, Legal, Moral

The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.

Jackie Kennedy

Love, Time, Money

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

Andre Maurois

Happy, Short, Seems

If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.

Michel de Montaigne

Love, Friendship, Good

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

Sydney Smith

Moving, Cannot, Between

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

Josh Billings

Love, God, Smile

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.

Euripides

Beauty, Girl, Husband

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

H. L. Mencken

Time, Women, Men

By our Heavenly Father and only because of God, only because of God. We're like other couples. We do not get along perfectly; we do not go without arguments and, as I call them, fights, and heartache and pain and hurting each other. But a marriage is three of us.

Barbara Mandrell

God, Pain, Father

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Ambrose Bierce

Community, Making, Mistress

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.

Michel de Montaigne

Desperate, Inside, Outside

Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.

Katharine Hepburn

Desperate, Argument, Series

The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.

Cyril Connolly

Health, True, Character

There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.

Princess Diana

Three, Bit, Crowded

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

Samuel Johnson

Men, Married, Wives

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

Men, Pain, Jewelry

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

W. Somerset Maugham

Home, Sex, Bothered

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.

Sacha Guitry

Wife, Faithful, She

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

Honore de Balzac

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Love, Married, Getting

I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and don't spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out.

Reese Witherspoon

Time, Women, Care

Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could.

Abigail Adams

Power, Men, Remember

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.

Benjamin Disraeli

Married, Until, House

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.

Benjamin Disraeli

Nerves, Amiable, Destroys

It is a full time job being honest one moment at a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment.

Jasmine Guy

Love, Time, Respect

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Joey Adams

Wife, Questions, Expensive

Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.

Honore de Balzac

Monster, Contend, Devours

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

Eddie Cantor

Wedding, Flowers, Smell

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

Jane Austen

Happiness, Matter, Chance

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.

Mignon McLaughlin

Hell, Married, Divorce

Love is often the fruit of marriage.

Moliere

Love, Often, Fruit

Marriage may be the closest thing to Heaven or Hell any of us will know on this earth.

Edwin Louis Cole

May, Hell, Earth

It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.

George Santayana

Patience, Appreciate, Takes

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

Isadora Duncan

Woman, Goes, Contract

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

Eddie Cantor

Together, Problems, Attempt

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Alan King

Nature, Fighting, Strangers

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

Helen Rowland

Husband, Left, Lover

Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.

Sydney J. Harris

Success, Great, Enough

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Billy Connolly

Again, Wonderful, Bicycle

Marriage should be a duet - when one sings, the other claps.

Joe Murray

Duet, Sings

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.

Thornton Wilder

She, Bribe

Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Alone, Weed, Plants

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

Husband, Child, Dog

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

Peter De Vries

Love, Character, Fall