Funny Movie Quotes Biography
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: 'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often.
21 Jump Street Quotes
21 Jump Street Quotes (2012)
Domingo: Are you guys even real cops? You look like the kids on Halloween.
Tom Hanson: If them boys is cops, I'm DEA.
[Schmidt does a fake laugh]
Schmidt: I know! Right? I know! It's hilarious.
[Schmidt stops laughing]
Schmidt: So why don't you show us a little respect?
Domingo: Fuck you, pig!
Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?
Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
Jenko: I'll beat your dick off with both hands. What's up? Let's go.
One-Percenter #1: That's weird, man!
Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that...that your dick's just gonna fall off.
30 Minutes or Less Quotes
30 Minutes or Less (2011)
[at the check out counter a register woman swipes their items]
Register Woman: Guns. Mask. You sure you all don't wanna grab some condoms?
Nick: No. Why?
Register Woman: Because this is usually what men buy before they rape someone.
Chet: Oh, we're not rapists! Us two, small fries? No way.
[she gives them a cold unbelieving look]
Register Woman: Is it gonna be cash or credit for your rape kit?
[Chet put a box of hamburger slider kit on the counter]
Chet: Hey, is a slider station in a rape kit? Cause we're gettin' one of those too.
Nick: We'll pay cash.
Chet: Not into rape, just into sliders.
The 40 Year Old Virgin Quotes
The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not everybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.
Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!
Kyle: You're gonna be fine.
Kyle: You're gonna be fine. Fifty fifty! If you were a casino game, you'd have the best odds.
Adam: Yeah. Thanks.
500 Days of Sum,er7
(500) Days of Summer (2009)
[Tom's boss reads the message on a valentine's card that Tom has written after he's been dumped by Summer]
Vance: Roses are red, violets are blue...Fuck you, whore!
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Quotes
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)
Ron Burgundy: Now, I'm not trying to sound funny here, but are you sure he's just not some midget with a mental disability?
American Reunion Quotes
American Reunion (2012)
Jim's Dad: I have not had a night like that since the seventies.
Jim: [disgusted] Don't need this.
Jim's Dad: You'd be surprised what you can do...with a well placed thumb.
Annie Hall Quotes
Annie Hall (1977)
Alvy Singer: It's mental masturbation!
Annie Hall: And you would know all about that, wouldn't you?
Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.
As Good as It Gets Quotes
As Good as It Gets (1997)
[enters his psychiatrist's office]
Melvin Udall: Hi.
[shuts the door, turns and yells]
Melvin Udall: HELP!
Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
August: Osage County Quotes
August: Osage County (2013)
Barbara Weston: Marriage is hard.
Karen Weston: That's one thing about Mom and Dad, you gotta tip your hat to anybody who could stay married that long.
Ivy Weston: Karen, he killed himself.
Austin Powers Quotes
Austin Powers (1997)
Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
The Big Year Quotes
The Big Year (2011)
Stu: Am I nuts, Edith?
Edith: Are you asking me as a therapist or as a wife?
Stu: Which one is cheaper?
Blazing Saddles Quotes
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!
[Taggart finally finds a pen and paper]
Taggart: Could you repeat that, sir?
Annie's Mom: I signed up to speak at AA tonight and I...I...I...I just have to.
Annie's Mom: No! I...I forgot. I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Annie: Mom, I keep telling you, you're not supposed to go to those things. You know, you're not an alcoholic.
Annie's Mom: Well, only because I've never had a drink.
Annie's Mom: I mean, they are inspiring.
The Campaign Quotes
The Campaign (2012)
[as they shake hands in front of the news crew and reporters]
Cam Brady: How you doin'?
Marty Huggins: Hate to break it to you friend, but uh...you're balloon's gettin' ready to pop. And that balloon is full of your own butt toots.
Cam Brady: Are you tryin' to trash talk me? You're mama's like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows and gets laid in a closet.
[Brady shakes Marty's hand hard]
Cam Brady: That's what nuts feel like.
Marty Huggins: Stop it!
Cars 2 Quotes
Cars 2 (2011)
Finn McMissile: Finn McMissile, British intelligence.
Mater: Tow Mater, average intelligence.
The Change-Up Quotes
The Change-Up (2011)
Dave: You're living the dream, Mitch. Having children, it's...it's like, it's living with little mini-heroin addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute and then they're crying the next. And then they trying to kill themselves in the bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and burn through your money. And they break shit...
Mitch: Got it! Got it! Got it! Come on!
Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?!
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged".