Funny Marriage Quotes Biography
A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.
Successful, Edifice, Rebuilt
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Home, Wife, Immature
Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles.
Henry Ward Beecher
Married, Wings, Poorly
There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
Friends, Enemy, Wife
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
Happy, Learn, Again
Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.
Left, Husbands, Fires
Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.
Love, Legal, Moral
The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.
Love, Time, Money
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.
Happy, Short, Seems
If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.
Michel de Montaigne
Love, Friendship, Good
Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.
Moving, Cannot, Between
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Love, God, Smile
It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.
Beauty, Girl, Husband
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
H. L. Mencken
Time, Women, Men
By our Heavenly Father and only because of God, only because of God. We're like other couples. We do not get along perfectly; we do not go without arguments and, as I call them, fights, and heartache and pain and hurting each other. But a marriage is three of us.
God, Pain, Father
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Community, Making, Mistress
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
Michel de Montaigne
Desperate, Inside, Outside
Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.
Desperate, Argument, Series
The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.
Health, True, Character
There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.
Three, Bit, Crowded
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
Men, Married, Wives
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Men, Pain, Jewelry
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
W. Somerset Maugham
Home, Sex, Bothered
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.
Wife, Faithful, She
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Honore de Balzac
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Love, Married, Getting
I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and don't spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out.
Time, Women, Care
Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could.
Power, Men, Remember
No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.
Married, Until, House
It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
Nerves, Amiable, Destroys
It is a full time job being honest one moment at a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment.
Love, Time, Respect
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Wife, Questions, Expensive
Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.
Honore de Balzac
Monster, Contend, Devours
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Wedding, Flowers, Smell
Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.
Happiness, Matter, Chance
If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
Hell, Married, Divorce
Love is often the fruit of marriage.
Love, Often, Fruit
Marriage may be the closest thing to Heaven or Hell any of us will know on this earth.
Edwin Louis Cole
May, Hell, Earth
It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.
Patience, Appreciate, Takes
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
Woman, Goes, Contract
Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.
Together, Problems, Attempt
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Nature, Fighting, Strangers
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
Husband, Left, Lover
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
Sydney J. Harris
Success, Great, Enough
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Again, Wonderful, Bicycle
Marriage should be a duet - when one sings, the other claps.
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.
Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.
Alone, Weed, Plants
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Husband, Child, Dog
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
Peter De Vries
Love, Character, Fall