Great Funny Quotes

Source(google.com.pk)
A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, I was an accountant.
The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything has dropped, expanded and turned a funny colour.
Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
They say he's [Yogi Berra] funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?"
Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.
I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I am looking in the mirror!
Weird people are funny. If you're just completely normal, you're boring. So I so much prefer weird people to boring people.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.
One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.a
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
The old mill long had closed its doors
the rotting wheel would turn no more
no grain to grind, no country stores
where old men sat, told stories, swore…
And rocks that formed the waterfall
became the playground for us all
on summer days, it beckoned, called
beneath the old mill’s rotting walls….
The chill of water, mountain-fed
awakened spirits, long since dead
where millers’ children once were fed
on banks upon which lovers wed.
And yet i hear the echoes still
where laughter of the children filled
those rotting walls upon the hill
‘twas once the home to Freeman’s Mill….

When you fall in love
English Shayari
When You fall in Love with someone,
Don’t think just start enjoying it.
Because after some time.
You will not be in position to enjoy anything.

Seasons In The Sun
English Shayari
Seasons In The Sun
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall?.
Surprises and joys?hidden in All?.
A strange warmth, within the winter chills..
Oh, the bewitching pictures?of snow-clad hills !
A burst of colours?as the Spring flowers appear,
Like rainbows on petals…here,there? and everywhere !
Energy and sunshine..?the Summer brings,
A long vacation !.?among other things.!
Autumn arrives..with its quiet charm?
Leaves jump for joy?..and lie arm in arm..
Seasons come..and Seasons leave?.
New visions to see?new dreams to weave !!

It takes only a minute
English Shayari
it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more painful is to never have the courage to let that person know how you feel. Don’t go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone,an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone..

English Shayari
mein nay iss taur se chaha tujhe aksar janaan
jaisay mahtab ko be-ant samander chahay
jaisay sooraj ki kiran seep ke dil mai utray
jaisay khushbu ko hawa, rung se hut ker chahay
jaisay pathhar ke kalaijay se kiran phoot-ti hai
jaisay ghunchay khulay mausam se hina mangtay hein
jaisay khaaboan mai khayaloan ki kamaan toot-ti hai
jaisay barish ki dua aabla-pa mangtay hein
mera har khaab meray such ki gawahi de ga
wus?at-e-deed ne tujh se teri khaahish ki hai
meri sochoan mai kabhi dekh sarapa apna!
mai ne duniya se alag teri parastish ki hai
khaahis-e-deed ka mausam kabhi dhundla jo hua
noach daali hain zamanay ki naqabain mai ne
teri palkoan pay utarti hui subhoan k liye
toar daali hain sitaroan ki tanabain main ne
mai nay chaha keh teray husn ki gulnaar fiza
meri ghazlon ki qataron se mehekti jaey
mai ne chaha keh meray fun ke gulistaan ki bahaar
teri aankhoan ke gulaboan se mehekti jaye
tai to yeh tha keh sajata rahay lafzoan ke kanwal
meray khamosh khayaloan mai takallum tera
raqs kerta rahay, bharta rahay, khushbu ka khumaar
meri khaahish ke jazeeroan mein takallum tera
tu magar ajnabi mahol ki parwardah kiran
meri bujhti hoi ratoan ko sahar ker na saki
teri sansoan mai maseehai to thee laikin tu bhee
chara-e-zakhm-e-gham-e-deeda-e-tarr, ker na saki
tujh ko maloom hi kab hai keh kisi dard ka daagh
aankh se dil mein utar jaey to kya hota hai???
tu keh seemab tabiyat hai tujhe kya maloom
mausam-e-hijr theher jaey to kya hota hai
tu nay uss moar pay tora hai ta?alluq keh jahan
dekh sakta nahin koi bhee palat ker janaan
abb yeh aalam hai keh ankhain jo khulain gee apni
yaad aey ga teri deed ka manzar janaan
mujh se maangay ga teray ehd-e-mohobbat ka hisaab
teray hijraan ka dehekta hua mehshar janaan
yoon meray dil ke barabar tera gham aya hai
jaisay sheeshay ke maqabil koi pathhar janaan!!!
jaisay mahtaab ko be-ant samander chahay
mai ne iss taur se chaha tujhay aksar janaan!!!