Funny Wedding Quotes

Funny Wedding Quotes Definition

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“A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason – and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison
“A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” ~ anonymous
“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
“Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” ~ Anonymous
“We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.” ~ Jacques Maritain
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” ~Peter De Vries
“To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” ~Marnie Reed Crowell
“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.”
~ Ingrid Bergmen
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” ~Simone Signoret
“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” ~ Anne Taylor Fleming
“Woke up in bed with a gorgeous woman, who I’m going to have lunch and the rest of my life with.” ~ Jason Barmer
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein
“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” ~ Judith Viorst
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire
“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine
“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” ~ Paul Sweeney
“Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage.” ~ Finnish Proverb
“A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” ~ James H. Boren
“Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” ~ Mark Twain
“Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.” ~ Gene Perret
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” ~ Andre Maurois
“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” ~ Martin Luther
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” ~ Robert Fulghum, True Love
Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match. Wishing you the very best of everything anyway.
In life we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage it‘s better to close them! Congratulations and Good Luck!
As you wed today, here's my advice for the newlyweds - stay married! The best is yet to be!
Why marry when jumping in front of a train is easier and faster?! Just kidding! Hope your wedding finds you smiling :)
I'll tell you the secret of a happy marriage. It remains... a secret to all! Wishing you all the best for the times ahead!Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts”
-Jeff Foxworthy
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
-Groucho Marx
“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.” -Unknown
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
-Rodney Dangerfield
“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.” -Minnie Pearl
"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman."
-Maryon Pearson
“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West
“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.” -H.L. Mencken
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield
“No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.” -H.L. Mencken
“A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.” -Grace Hansen
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
-Lawrence Housman
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women." -Marion Smith
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?” -Barbra Streisand
“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” -Armistead Maupin
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck
“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” -Lewis Grizzard
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
“All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” -Raymond Hull
“The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” -Bertrand Russell
"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted"
-Helen Rowland
"Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give." -Cass Daley
“Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.” -Elbert Hubbard
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." -Groucho Marx
*“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”
-Henny Youngman
“When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.” -Prince Philip
"I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid." -Dorothy Parker