Christmas Funny Quotes

Christmas Funny Quotes Definition

Source(google.com.pk)
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Decorate your homes with lots of mistletoe… this won’t really help the environment… But more kissing has got to be good for world peace.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?
Christmas just like a day at the office; you do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.:
Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.' Bernard Manning
'I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.'
Shirley Temple
'Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?'
Tom Armstrong
'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?'
Arlo Guthrie
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Anonymous
You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul
Who's the bane of Santa's life?
The elf and safety officer. Catherine Tate
'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.' Victor Borge