Funny Irish Quotes DefinitionSource(google.com.pk)
Nodding the head does not row the boat”.
“When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.”
“The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.”
“A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.”
"An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth."
"A hair on the head is worth two on the brush."
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
"Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung."
"Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me."
“We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.”
Winston Churchill quotes (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy teenagers?"
"The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch."
"The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another."
"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
Jerome K Jerome
“God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish”
"My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
“Sometimes I think I am a genius. Then I realize I’ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.”
“If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."
"You never miss the water till the well has run dry."
"A turkey never voted for an early Christmas."
"Everyone is wise until he speaks."
Irish Drinking Toast
"Here's to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!"
“I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same.”
Iris Murdoch quotes (British Novelist and Philosopher, 1919-1999)
“Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part.”
Irish Blessings quotes
“Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.”
"The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried."
"Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to."
“The trouble with me is that I am a vindictive old shanty-Irish bitch.”
Eleanor Medill Patterson
“I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
"Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it."
"May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope."
"There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."
“Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you”
Irish Blessings quotes
"As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!"
"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come."
"Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money!)"
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
George Bernard Shaw
“May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door.”
Irish Blessings quotes
“"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.'”
"He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice."
“If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.”Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.
He who is not strong must needs be cunning.
If you are lucky enough to be Irish, then you are lucky enough.
May you both live as long as you want, And never want as long as you live.
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart ?
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part.
A man is often a bad adviser to himself and a good adviser to another.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
May the blessings of each day be the blessings you need most.
Beauty suffers no pain.
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.
You never miss the water till the well has run dry.
The longest road out is the shortest road home.
Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless.
The Irish are very fair people, they never speak well for one another.
Good laugh and long sleep are the best cures in a doctor's book.
May you get all your wishes but one so you always have something to strive for.
Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you.
Distant hills look green.
He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice.
A rainy day isn't a day for the children.
Only Irish coffee provides all main essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
May the Lord keep you in his hand and never close his fist too tight.