Funny Jokes And Quotes Biography
I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Dumb, Blonde, Offended
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Government, Facts, Watch
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
Great, Forgive, Lord
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
Together, Whole, Once
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.
Life, Black, Looking
Tommy Lee Jones is hilarious. I would say, if you look at the body of his work, the character he is most like is the one in 'The Fugitive.' That's how he talks and jokes. That is the type of energy he has.
Work, Character, Energy
I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.
Funny, Care, Laugh
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.
Funny, Crazy, Sense
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Okay, Gotta, Dressed
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
End, Born, Started
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Laugh, Four, Works
I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
Humor, Talking, Everyday
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
Money, Good, Give
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
Throw, Album, Twelve
I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?
Smile, May, Enjoy
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.
Life, Personal, Road
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
May, Give, Trying
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
Great, Difference, Taste
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
Time, Mind, Deeds
Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
Great, Taste, Affections
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
Work, Good, Serious
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
Funny, Best, Thinking
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
Humor, Good, Laughter
People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.
Heart, Mine, Assume
I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
Tahar Ben Jelloun
Life, Love, Friendship
I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.
I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter.
Laughter, Laugh, Said
For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.
Enemy, Ten, Hundred
You can't build a plot out of jokes. You need tragic relief. And you need to let people know that when a lot of frightened people are running around with edged weaponry, there are deaths. Stupid deaths, usually. I'm not writing 'The A-Team' - if there's a fight going on, people will get hurt. Not letting this happen would be a betrayal.
Hurt, Writing, Stupid
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
Head, Copy, Safe
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Love, Short, Ideas
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.
Humor, Solitude, Gentle
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
Humor, Reality, Sense
From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked.
Age, Remember, Word
If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time.
Michael J. Fox
Funny, Time, Negative
Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.
Enough, Laugh, Realize
A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.
Bad, Girl, Start
I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.
Laugh, Whether, Either
Jokes are grievances.
People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard.
Matter, Tell, Empty
When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
School, Everyone, Kid
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Age, Time, History
Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.
Good, Reason, Practical
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
Friends, Difference, Between
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.
I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.
Talk, Sarcasm, Puns
Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
Bad, Stop, Practical
I could never sit down and write jokes.
Louis C. K.
I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes you tell, nine of them have to get a really good response.
Good, Tell, Stage
There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.
Hateful, Bit, Whose
Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.
End, Space, While
I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.
Life, Mean, Old
I tell jokes for a check; I'm on TV for a check.
Tell, Tv, Check
People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.
Life, Heart, Joy
For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
Funny, Understand, Writer
There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself to interrupt myself and tell old African folk stories that I made up - or didn't - and Jamaican stories.
Freedom, Sense, Comedy
There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
Life, Sense, Talk
I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
I now have two different audiences. There's the one that has been watching my action films for 20 years, and the American family audience. American jokes, less fighting.
Family, Fighting, Action
I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
Makes, Hot, Sound
I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.
I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.
Marriage, Government, Husband
I think in my case, I had no choice but to have a good sense of humor. I grew up with my dad, Danny Thomas, and George Burns and Bob Hope and Milton Berle and Sid Caesar and all those guys were at our house all the time and telling jokes and making each other laugh.
Humor, Time, Hope
If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.
Funny, Honesty, Place
But television, when I was doing it, was all about scoring. You had to make these jokes bang, do whatever you could to make the material really pop. And if it didn't, there was something wrong with the material, or with you.
Wrong, Whatever, Television
A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
You know, I always was an early morning or late night writer. Early morning was my favorite; late night was because you had a deadline. And at four in the morning you make up some of your most absurd jokes.
Morning, Night, Writer
If you'd asked me then if I saw how big 'The Steve Harvey Morning Show' was going to be, I couldn't tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I've also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know.
Morning, Character, Living
Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.
Die, Living, Serious
Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.
Crazy, Brother, Practical
You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
Achieve, Making, Realism
I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.